Thanksgiving 2020

by Elán Drennon

Thanksgiving is different this year. We’ve been altered, tested, bent, but (hopefully) not broken.

As a child, one of my biggest fears was the Sun burning out. In lower elementary school, we read an article in a student newsletter that detailed the scientific fact that the Sun was nearly halfway through its lifespan. I remember showing my parents when I got home and thinking: What would become of us? What would become of our children's children? We should be ready. We should prepare.

Thankfully, I have parents that heard me out and reassured me it wasn’t for me to worry about. The existential angst of my youth has never left me. My entire life it has morphed and met me--showing up in ways worthy of praise and panic--it is a constant friend and worthwhile enemy; wind in my sail and cement at my feet. However, it has met its match in 2020, a year full of midweek hyperbole, murder hornets, and plot twists. And for this I am thankful. Here’s why:

Surrender (and Clarity): We don't know what each day is going to bring. At the beginning of our new reality, I thought that keeping everything I love close to me would protect it. What a shameful arrogant thought--to think that I had the ability to stop all that was happening around me in the world. That simple fact that all things are not in my control has compelled me to be more present than ever and deepened my love for all the things I was convinced I could and should protect. I'm taking care of my mind and body differently. I'm working from a more realistic measure of what it means to amplify what matters, and I'm leaving what doesn't serve a purpose behind. 2020 has caused me to pack light.

Expanding: I don't know about you, but the pace at which I was living pre-pandemic was not sustainable. No bueno. I was dehydrated mentally, spiritually, and actually just not drinking enough water. I was moving about the world bruised in ways I didn't have the time or space to tend to. For quite some time I was giving in to the demands of things that had nothing to do with who or what I wanted to be. I've tried to stay close to a mantra shared with me by my friend, Lavada: 'Is what you're doing for your resume or your eulogy?' Am I pouring into things that will leave the world better than I found it? In some way, part of me believed that I could live in a way that made whole those whose shoulders I stand on. Through me, they could know that their sacrifices were not in vain and there is reciprocity for all the times they were overlooked, all the brilliance that went untapped, the semesters missed, the times they were told they were not enough, or worse, too much. This year has stopped that mindset in its tracks. I get to find new parts of myself in this disruption every day. There's so much beauty in having and being enough.

My Mom: This is the most one-on-one time I've spent with my mother outside her womb. I've gotten to know her, differently. As a friend, a parent, a colleague, and as a woman. I'm so thankful to her and grateful for her. For the first time in my life, I see so many of the things my mom is made up of. Some of my earliest memories are of her caring for others. She has stepped into roles to hold up the sky when it was falling for others, never thinking twice and never keeping score. These values were born in me differently, but I'm so proud to have them there. I've always been close with my mom, but this time around I've gotten a more raw perspective on her hopes and dreams, her fears and fatigue. We've both grown in ways that we didn't set out to, and I don't know that the opportunity would have presented without the chaos of 2020. Her trust and belief in me have caused me to trust and believe in myself more sincerely.

With hearts full of gratitude, here we are in the final months of 2020, still standing, with about seven to eight billion years until the Sun runs out.

Thank you for all the ways you’ve supported Soaked, all the stories you’ve shared, and the love you’ve shown! Wishing you and your (five or less indoors) family a loving and abundant Thanksgiving!